"What the Fuck Have I Done" or, Be Careful What You Wish for, You Might Get It.

It has been almost two months since I quit teaching. After twenty six years of juggling the needs of students, parents, administrators, other teachers, a partner, my children, my animals, trying to squeeze in some exercise here and there AND maintain an active artistic practice, it has all come to a sudden halt and the silence is deafening and I am utterly lost. I am a metaphor machine, I can’t help myself. I feel like I have been driving a hundred miles an hour and suddenly slammed on the brakes. Everything in the car has now smashed through the windshield and my life is strewn about me. I am now responsible for being a good partner, feeding my dog and taking care of myself. The kids still ask for little things now and again, like health insurance, but mostly I am free to do what I want, when I want.

I have absolutely no idea how to do that. My entire adult life has been spent doing what needed to be done. Who is on fire today? Where am I expected next, who needs what? Is anyone in the hospital? What do you mean do what I want? What is that? What do I like? I don’t know! And of course, I am broke. Like, So broke. The house I am trying to sell needs a new septic system and I can’t get that money back from a sale, my car just shit the bed, I have sold off everything I can and I keep sinking deeper. My retirement account is going to take a big hit in order to clear the slate. The United States is run by facist morons, the U.S. Supreme Court is stacked right and ready to turn the “The Handmaid’s Tail” from fiction into non-fiction, the Canadian Arctic is burning again, A.I. is trying to take over everything including art and music, and more and more, people live their lives in the metaverse instead of the realverse and seem just fine with that.

I think I’ll quit my job and become a full time artist. Here goes…….